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I have been married to a wonderful man for 5 years.. Been in the relationship 10 years. We have 2 beautiful children together. We are both still young.. 24 and 26. We got married and had children at a young age and have never experienced the single life. Two years ago a co-worker of my husbands and school mate of mine started flirting with me. He casually started texting me on a daily basis. Although I knew and felt that it was wrong.. I did not stop him because I enjoyed the attention. Although I kept my basis as friends.. I think out of guilt.. He pursued me for nine months and eventually I caved. For the past two years we have been having an affair. He is also in a 4 year relationship and engaged. Some days I feel so in love with him and can't get him off my mind and other days I feel scared and want to pull away. What makes it worse is we.. My husband and his fiance are all very good friends who get together 3 to 4 times per week. They are also both suspicious of us. Over the past two years we have tried to stop what we are doing several.. I mean SEVERAL times but always end up coming back to each other. Our affair is taking a huge toll on our relationships. He and his fiance argue on a daily basis and I have heard both of them say they are not happy. My husband and I have spoken about divorce several times. My husband and I are so emotionally and sexually disconnected now that we don't even fight.. I feel as though we are just roommates. I now get easily irritated and annoyed by my husband. When we have sex or even when he kisses me I just want to push him off of me. I feel like we are strangers. I don't know what to do anymore.. The stress is not only taking a physical toll on me but I also think its affecting my children. And let me clarify.. And I'm sure we all say this.. but I came from a divorced family of an affair and have always said that I would never do that. I would never be that kind of person. My question is can I ever get back with my husband what we had before or will guilt forever keep me from that closeness with him ? Almost every other day I think of leaving.. But I think I'm scared to be alone and scared that I cannot financially take care of me and my children. What scares me also is that although I know for sure that I have fallen out of love with my husband.. I'm scared I will never find anyone who treats me as good as he does.. He is an amazing man. I feel guilty that I am not able to give love to someone that so desperatly deserves it. I'm tired of hurting him. Is there hope ? What do I do? I can't keep the other man off of my mind. I feel that I love him as well. I have security and comfort with my husband. Every other kind of feeling is totally for this other man. Please help.

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